I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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