Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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