forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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