so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
