Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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