Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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