I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
