singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
