I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
