Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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