They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
