So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
