i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
