How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i drank out of a bidet.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
