Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
