Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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