you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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