I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Bring me that man meat
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
