im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize