I wanna bring you to show and tell
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
