i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
