great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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