dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
The cops high fived after they tackled you
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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