At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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