Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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