Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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