a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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