After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
so much tequila, so little girl.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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