Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
