last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
