I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize