I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
