Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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