omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
