New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
