is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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