I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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