is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
