This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There's always time for handjobs
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
