go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I look better un-naked...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
