Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
