you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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