There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
