Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
