I hate your face
I wanna bring you to show and tell
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
