Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
