if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
