very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
love makes seman taste better
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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