we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I don't think brook has ever known best
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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