We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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