i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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