So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
