The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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