I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
