Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
