yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
