she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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