The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
