my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
