I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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