My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
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