Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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