I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
