So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i want to swaddle you in tequila
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
