cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
