I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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