you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
