Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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