guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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