hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
