Slut skills are useful in every country.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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