Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
