wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
