she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize