i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
