I'm lost and stupid without you.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
