I faked an abortion last night.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
